if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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