Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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