Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
