So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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