I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
