the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
