I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
