THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
