I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
