Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
