I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
