you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
