2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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