What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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