i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
