he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
