There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
