I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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