they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
