i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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