Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
