it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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