you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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