You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
