So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
