Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
