Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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