I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
