I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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