Will you blow on my dice?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
