I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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