I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
