He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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