we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
