Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
