I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
