It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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