woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
