smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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