You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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