he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
