its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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