you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
