fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
