Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
