Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
