if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
