Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
