Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
