It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
