Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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