Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Don't make out with my wife yet
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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