Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
