I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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